Sunday, May 3, 2009

Updates and the motherhood tag

God really is omnipresent. All you have to do is call him in your life and ask and he is there giving you hints, showing you signs in things you see, you read, people you meet and there joining the pieces together, you see they fit giving you your answers. And so as I struggled with the 'phase', I prayed to Him to show me the correct path, to give me more patience and strength and he started showing me the signs, one after the other in the form of friends writing to me - once again thanks so much Kodi's mom for the detailed mail with the empathy and the tips and then the wonderfully thought out post. You have sorted out your feelings and thoughts and in the process mine so coherently. The biggest lesson learnt is and I quote "Who cares a rat ass about what some random stranger thinks about my child?" Bang on right, you go girl! What comes to mind is the famous shloka from the Bhagwad Gita

Karmanyeva dhikaaraste ma faleshu kadachan

I pray to God to help me do the correct thing and I leave the rest to him.

Thank you Subha for this post of yours on letting some things be, taking joy in others and just learning along the way as you enjoy.

Thank you Tharini for always inspiring with your posts. Just this passage from one of your posts made me see things from a child's perspective and made me re-think my disciplining strategies.

"....Its not easy being them either. Its not easy being a child, who has no authority. Its not easy being told what to do all day long. Instruction after instruction belted out, in very impatient tones, hardly aware of the effect of such a thing. Words spoken in haste, actions stemming from harshness, a cold withering look, impatience to listen, overruling in a easily and how much all this becomes a habit."

Thank you each one of you who took the time out to empathise and comment and tell me that this too shall pass. Just knowing that other moms you appreciate and exchange notes with have been there at some point of time gives you a degree of comfort that its not something that I am doing thats making all this happen.

And thank you dearest mom for being my pillar of strength. You, who is a stickler for perfection and good behavior, told me that its okay. Its a phase that I have to display utter patience in, shower my love on him, win his trust and confidence so much that he actually looks forward to being good for me. The more I think about what you said, the more the statement unfolds itself for me making sense all along.

So we are getting there slowly and steadily. I am looking for more and more ways to say yes, trying to listen myself and teach him to listen when we speak, helping him cool down when he begins to lose it, tell myself that at least 1 in 10 times he'll remember what I told him and that'll be a start and cherish the moments when he tells Jiya "You are small Jiya but I am the elder one and so you can have a turn first, I'll wait for mine" or "Mamma I am going to look at the trees and the birds outside because I need to cool down." and I smile and tell myself that this indeed is a start. I know I am working hard as a parent and I have faith in God to not let that go waste.

And now the tag. Gauri and Sole tagged me to pen down five things that I like about motherhood.

- I love knowing a person so well - understanding how they are feeling just by catching those vibes; what they want even before they say it (its not tough at all you know, milk at 7:30, 4 and 9; toffees whenver they see the door to the shelf opening; my phone whenver they see it in my hand). Jokes apart, the pride in understanding what it is they are saying, even if something trivial - the baby words or our own words we invent for certain things and then explaining them to others as they wonder - oh did she again call that monkey a compey? Oh the wet tables that he claims makes him strong are actually the vegetables :). And the bigger feelings - knowing exactly what'll make them giggle, squeal with delight, frown with dismay and shout with anger.

- I love that feeling of being indispensable at least for now. I don't want it to stay that way but am enjoying it while it lasts.

- I love the amount and kind of self introspection one has to constantly do, the looking within to find the answers, analysing our own behavior, the constant evolving as a parent.

- Needless to say the hugs, the kisses, the cuddles, the sight of neatly combed wet hair, droplets of water on those tiny little legs, the variety of expressions on my son's face as he gets off from his school bus each day followed by the story explaining them, the pride on their face as they beam "dekho dekho" after a job well done even if my daughter chants the same phrase after successfully pooping in her potty. Taking joy in absolutely ridiculous yet adorably cute phrases that kids come up with - "Mom, I finished all the candies in the box - I am going to be so strong now!" or "I'll brush my teeth so the ants can't come inside my mouth and bite them." - you have to be a mom to cherish and then actually blog about them.

- The feeling that God has actually chosen me as an instrument to actually shape the lives of these two human lives who are my children, that I am so hugely responsible for catering to their needs, for giving them the right kind of values. If a feeling can be both proud and humbling at the same time, its this one.

Here are the rules

Just write a post of your own (5 things that you love about being a mom/dad) and find someone to link to and tag - someone from your own country, if you like, but definitely someone from another country (Google is a good resource if you don't know any; google any country name and 'mom/dad' in their blog search function) (be sure to let them know that you've tagged them!) - and link back here and HBM and leave a comment.

Now this post has been lying in my drafts for a while, so I am publishing it here without tagging anyone else. I'll do the tagging bit in a while.


Tharini said...

Dear Neera...

Let me be honest...I subscribed to your blog, only recently, and so it was totally by chance that I caught this post of yours. I don't know the phase you are talking about, but I can guess at it, from your words in this post. I have not known you long....but little tidbits and all your comments, show me that you are a calm and beautiful mother.

God bless you.

sole said...

Hi Neera,

Thanks for taking up this tag. Was great to read it. I am new to the blogging world and got your link through noon's pages. I am sure we'll have more to share in the future :-)

Monika,Ansh said...

You did that tag so well. :) So honest & touching.

Neera said...

Tharini: Thank u Tharini. You are one of the moms I look up to. Hope to keep having u here.

sole: Welcome to the blogging world :) I hope so too.

Monika, Ansh: Thank u dear :)

Kodi's Mom said...

hey, i missed this post somehow...
and "looking at trees to calm down" - how neat! thats definitely progress, so great work, Neera & Vansh! :)
i'm so far behind on writing my own update...
and i loved every one of your 5 points - esp #5

dipali said...

I'm glad you are feeling better about Vansh's behaviour now, Neera. Your mother is very wise:)