I am thankful for Basque athlete Iván Fernández Anaya

A few weeks back Nino read a book about Lance Armstrong and as is natural for a child his age, was so impressed by the feats he had achieved. He couldn't help marveling at the fact that a person could win the Tour de France seven times in a row. He was deeply moved by the fact that in spite of battling cancer, which he knew to be a deadly disease, he returned to cycling and by his will power and hard work went on to achieve all that he did. The book was obviously written before February 2011 when Lance Armstrong was charged by the United Stated Anti Doping Agency for using and distributing performance enhancing drugs and stripped of all his medals since August 1998. Very unfortunately we had to shatter the bubble he had created and bring down the cyclist from the larger than life pedestal the child had placed him on. The look on his face was not a pleasant one to see as he battled confusion, contempt, distrust. While it was a meaningful lesson in doing the right thing and the huge consequences following your choice of actions, still as a parent I felt a tug at my heart hoping that somehow everything could be undone and Lance Armstrong to go back to being the hero my son had just imagined him to be.


So today when I read about the Basque athlete Iván Fernández Anaya, I felt so heartened. I quote his glorious action

Very little has been said about this…..On December 2, Basque athlete Iván Fernández Anaya was competing in a cross-country race in Burlada, Navarre. He was running second, some distance behind race leader Abel Mutai - bronze medalist in the 3,000-meter steeplechase at the London Olympics. As they entered the finishing straight, he saw the Kenyan runner - the certain winner of the race - mistakenly pull up about 10 meters before the finish, thinking he had already crossed the line.
Fernández Anaya quickly caught up with him, but instead of exploiting Mutai's mistake to speed past and claim an unlikely victory, he stayed behind and, using gestures, guided the Kenyan to the line and let him cross first.
Ivan Fernandez Anaya, a Basque runner of 24 years who is considered an athlete with a big future (champion of Spain of 5,000 meters in promise category two years ago) said after the test:
"But even if they had told me that winning would have earned me a place in the Spanish team for the European championships, I wouldn't have done it either. I also think that I have earned more of a name having done what I did than if I had won. And that is very important, because today, with the way things are in all circles, in soccer, in society, in politics, where it seems anything goes, a gesture of honesty goes down well."
He said at the beginning: unfortunately, very little has been said of the gesture. And it's a shame. In my opinion, it would be nice to explain to children, so they do not think that sport is only what they see on TV: violent kicks in abundance, posh statements, fingers in the eyes of the enemy ... 

I can't wait to share this with Nino today to give him back hope, the trust that honest people still do exist and are recognized and the belief that no matter how 'big' you are, you really are only as big as your actions!

Like Ivan says, please do share this with your children and show them the video here.

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Conversations ...

...between the siblings - sweet, innocent, delightful, fill up our household with much cheer these days. Its sheer joy listening to their understanding of the complexities of the world and how it functions. One such conversation went like this

Jiya (to Vansh) - dhishkaaon, dhishkaaon (some gun sounds)

Vansh: Jiya aise nahin karo, main aapko chowkidaar ke paas le jaaonga. (Jiya, don't do that or else I'll take you to the guard) and goes on to pick her up by putting his hands under her arms.

Jiya: Nahin, nahin, nahin, nahin. Sorry bhaiya! (No, no, no, no, sorry big brother)

Vansh: Theek hai, ab nahin le jaaoonga! Mamma, Jiya ne sorry bol diya. Ab use chowkidar ke paasle jaane ki zarrorat nahin hai! (Alright, I won't take you now. Mom, I don't need to take Jiya to the guard now!)

Jiya (with a naughty twinkle in her eye) : Dhishkaaon, dhishkaaon

... and runs away with Vansh running after her, the house reverberating with their squeals. :)

And these conversations are the rays of hope and of delight in the tough times we have been facing for the last close to 2 months. Jiya has been catching one infection after another. It started with an ear infection. The ENT specialist that we went to prescribed 7 medicines for her including antibiotics. I read about it extensively on the internet and gave her only 2 - the acitamenophen and the ear drops and it went away. Some masty 9-10 boils followed all over her body. After the 4th boil, when they refused to subside and continued to pop up, she was prescribed a week of antibiotics. A week or so later when I took her to her pediatrician for a fever, which thankfully turned out to be viral and went away in a couple of days, a more serious problem was diagnosed. Her lymph nodes in the neck area were swollen, most likely because of the bacterial skin infections earlier and another week of antibiotics followed accompanied by medicines for relieving the fever. More medicines had to be added to counter the side effects of the antibiotics because she had developed blisters deep inside her mouth. I hate giving 5 ml of so many medicines when all you needed in the US was 1.6 ml of Tylenol sparingly but then I don't have a choice. A possible reason for the swollen lymph node could be that her ear infection never healed properly which is why this happened - I can never know. She cries and cries. I have to literally force her little body under my legs as I lay her down, force open her mouth and hold it open with one hand and hold her nostrils shut with the other as I put the syringe/dropper filled with the medicine and empty it there so that she can't spit it out. 3-4 meds at one time takes close to an hour which means the poor child spends close to 3 hours crying resisting the awfulness which is still forced upon her.

And then suddenly she started getting up in the middle of the night and howling like crazy. She would slither away from our hands and just cry endlessly. After trying a lot of things and watching her diet very carefully, on the third such night we just took her to the Emergency. The doctor there prescribed gas and colic drops. We called her ped the next morning and he asked us to get a urine test and culture and a stool test. Instinctively I knew it was a Urinary Tract Infection and I was right. The ped told us that it had been detected early and it could have led to much worse symptoms. So she is on another week of unavoidable antibiotics. Always a petite baby, she now looks more lean than ever and as a result everyone notices and comments - advices on what to feed her and how, what and what not to do follow - well meaning but it gets a lot at times. Unfortunately its become a vicious cycle I think - infections, antibiotics, low body resistance, more infections - yikes!!

I just pray to God to break the cycle soon. Very very thanfully she's a chirpy child throughout the day. And I am getting better at shortening the medicine administering and hence the crying time.

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The life and times of a 3 year old ...

Scene 1 - Vansh wakes up from his nap. Jiya's still asleep. I am cooking dinner in the kitchen. After the hug and the I want duddu (milk) and drinking the said duddu, Vansh shouts, nothing in particular, just an 'aaa' with a silly grin on his face. Jiya is still asleep in the room 1 meter away and so I react with a finger on my lip and a shhh. He repeats. I tell him firmly that he needs to quiten down because Jiya is still sleeping. He shouts again, not as loudly this time, but a shout nevertheless. I tell him that I can take him and leave him outside if he feels like using his outdoor voice and he can come back when he is done. He refuses and he laughs, the "Yay! I made her say that again" kind of laugh and stops shouting.

Scene 2 - Jiya is also up now and Vansh is playing with his toys trying to fit the whole 2 big boxful of toys in a 1 foot long garbage truck and shouting when they start spilling over. I go in to ask him whats the matter and explain some things to him and come back, which is followed by some more shouts soon after. I go in once again with an intention of spending some time playing with him sensing thats what he wants. Jiya follows me and Vansh starts pushing her and grabbing her arm when she tries to touch the spilling toys. I tell him not to do that and play with him for some time. When I return, the shouts start again. I decide to ignore this time. He comes closer and closer first to the door of the room, then out the door and in the kitchen, the decibels increasing. I start humming a song, followed by asking him something casually. He says in a sad tone "Mer ke toys gir gaye" (My toys fell). I tell him that its okay and he can try again, though he is trying to fit way too many toys in the small garbage truck.

Scene 3 - Jiya is playing with a frisbee and Vansh teases her by touching it. Jiya yanks it back and starts running. Vansh runs after her, slowly on purpose. Jiya enjoys at first and starts laughing loudly but starts getting irritated soon after and whines and cries. Vansh enjoys the whining as much as he enjoyed the laughing and continues running behind her and at times snatching the frisbee or whatever the toy is from her. I tell him for the thousandth time to let her be when she starts whining/crying. The scene repeats itself over and over and this one's hard to be ignored. The consequence varies from a gentle request to a scream "Vansh stop snatching the toy!" or "Leave her alone!" to a threat of leaving him outside for the maintenance uncle to take away. Silly grinning continues all this while.

Distracting him by asking him to work on his favorite Thomas Engine puzzle or coloring works at times but at others it doesn't because Jiya now gets into everything as she is able to climb on the dining table which used to be the safe haven for exclusively Vansh activities till some time back. This is even after I give Jiya her own puzzle/coloring to work on on a separate table.

Scene 4 - Light switches - On, off, on, off, on, off, .... Refrigerator door - open, bang shut, open, bang shut, open, shut ... Ignoring sometimes takes care of it except if its doors that he is banging. He gets one scream at times followed by a whack on the back of his head for the fear of one of the kids pinching their fingers. At other times, I pick up the phone and pretend to talk to Tom/Jeff/Eric maintenance uncle to tell them that they need to come in to fix the lights/refrigerator which is soon going to go bad owing to Vansh treating them the way he is. The silly grin written all over his face again, he stops. Was it really their fear that stopped him like it used to till some time back or was it the the 'mission accomplished' at having pushed mommy's buttons along with the light fixtures.
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I started writing this post last week and wrote it upto this point. As is evident from the post, we were having a tough week, the kind where I throw up my arms in despair when Ashwini comes home and then both of us keep exchanging glances as if to say "What's wrong with this little guy of ours?"

But then there are some good days or may be just little good gestures where we know that behind the mischievous three year old who pushes his parents' buttons and drives them up the wall, there is also a lovely little boy who loves his parents and sister as much as he teases them, who proclaims lovingly "Jiya tu hamari sweety hai" when she decides to hug him when he wakes up in the morning; who says with a twinkle in his eye "I am so ecited Mama" when she tells him for the thousandth time that we'll be going to India not this evening but after a few months; who squeals in delight and shouts "Its fun Mama" when she throws the beautifully colored fall leaves on top of him.

Yeah you are right, the last few days have been good :) And if I hadn't gotten this far in typing out the Scenes blog post, I probably would have deleted it. But I decided to publish it nevertheless so that I remember that waiting for us at the onset of every tough phase is an even more sweet and heartwarming one.

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Such is life ...

We returned from our 5 day trip to the east coast on Wednesday early morning. After waking up I called home. Nobody picked up the phone. I called dad on his cell. He said they were at an uncle's place, they came because anyways the internet was down and hence they could not log on to the yahoo chat which they do almost every single day. He asked me how our trip was, how the kids and us were doing and asked me to take care. He did sound a bit morose but I didn't suspect anything.

The next morning I logged on myself and waited. They didn't log on. The internet must still be down I thought and carried on with the chores. I saw my dad's cell number on the caller id as I picked up the phone. He didn't have to call me again to ask me just after a day how we were doing, how much he worries, I thought to myself. It was my mom. She asked us about the trip, about the kids having rested enough, about Ashwini being well rested before joining back work. I asked her about the internet being down still. Papa will tell is all she said. Some technical stuff, I thought. I spoke to dad whom I asked the same thing. There was nothing else to say, we had just spoken yesterday.

Mom is in the hospital, he said, with a light forced laugh.
What happened?
She slipped at home and fractured her arm and her leg.
When?
Yesterday morning.
Yesterday morning? When did I talk to you?
Last night but you had just returned tired from your trip. And she (mom) had just been operated upon then and still under the effect of the anesthesia and in no position to talk which would have worried you no end.

Oh my , why are my parents like that, I thought to myself for the umpteenth time. They are in pain, sharp pain and they still think of me not getting worried. I tried hard to swallow that lump forming in my throat. I just couldn't break down and increase their worries manifold. All they would think about then is how bad I felt and my mom would almost hold herself guilty for having done something to make me cry! No, that HAD to wait!

Operated?? How seriously did she hurt herself?
She fractured her left arm and her left leg. At her age (she is 62 now), when the bones are anyways getting weak, its better to operate rather than wait with the cast for 6 weeks and find out that the recovery hasn't been too good and then go ahead with the operation. They trusted the doctor and went ahead with it.

How did she fall?
We had called some pest control guys and they had almost finished their job. We had gotten ready to leave for a couple of hours and leave the house closed for the proper effect of the pest spray. Mom went into the back room to change her footwear without realizing that there was liquid spilled on the floor. She slipped in the narrow space between the bed and the door. So while they had planned to go out together to a mall, they ended up in an ambulance to the hospital.

Don't worry, he said again. He had been repeating it in the entire conversation.

I asked to speak to mom again gently chided her for not telling me anything earlier. She was in pain yesterday, she said but was feeling much better today.

I asked her to take care and again told me not to worry.

Worrying won't help, at all, I know! I just feel sad being so far away, thinking we could have helped had we been closer. As I count with eagerness the few months that are left for us to go back and relocate, close to our families, these are situations I dread. Things happen, I know. Just let me be close to my family when they do is what I ask of God. Because that's the very reason we don't want to be here. Bith then Destiny is HUGE. This is not the first time I have bowed to her. Life doesn't unfold according to our plans is the truth, sometimes sweet, at others bitter.

Anyways I am thankful to God for the fact that my parents are fortunate to have a wonderful family and friends around to help. They had been calling and asking for ways they could help - food, staying in the hospital, being there for just moral support. I am so so lucky for not having to worry on that front. But a child is after all a child. I had spoken to them last night. In the morning my mother in law called me and told me about the progress and so I thought I'll call tomorrow morning. But my parents just felt like talking to me and they called themselves at quite an early hour for them.

The morning tea wakes me up early here, laughed my mom.

She is a brave woman with amazing portions of patience and will power. She is always on her feet with never a dull moment. She is the sort of person who'll never crib about any situation but find ways of keeping herself occupied and making the most of it. I do wish her a very very speedy recovery. She needs this rest I know. Only that this was way too harsh to get just that.

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He has come a long way

It had been going on in my mind the past week to ask Vansh's teachers at ECFE about his behavior in class. I was pleasantly surprised when Miss Cheral looked at Vansh attending to his teddy bear cut out and remarked

"Vansh is such a polite little gentleman!"

The thoughts that went on in my mind were

" Are you sure you're talking about him/I hope you are not confusing him with someone else"

I managed to ask

"He is? Really?"

"Oh yes! He is prompt with his sorry's and thank you's and handles conflicts very well. Doesn't yell when some one wants to have what he is playing with. He's doing very well."

I told her I was about to ask her myself as to how has been doing in class because he's way too different in front of mommy.

"And that's going to remain that way for many years to come," she joked.

Glad as I was, this little conversation set me thinking.

At the beginning of the school year in September, after a couple of classes, I had asked Miss Nadi (she is the teacher and Miss Cheral is the early childhood assistant) about Vansh's behavior in class. I was quite concerned at that time because he was being extremely self centered and loud when with other children. He would shout a loud NO and/or MY as soon as he noticed another child coming towards him and push him/her when he/she got too close. I felt bad, of course, for the other child, especially when his/her intentions were to just watch Vansh playing with whatever it was that he was playing with or at couple of times even to hug him. At the same time I felt bad for Vansh as well. He was struggling hard with the huge changes in his life - arrival of a new sibling (Jiya was barely 2 months old at that time); going away of his grandparents after having stayed with us for 2 months, during which time he had grown very attached to them; immediately followed in a week by going away of his best friend Arnav to India with whom he spent the better part of his evenings playing every single day (he still takes the whole family's name in the same breath as he takes our own's - he was that attached).

All of us went through a pretty rough phase and it took plenty of patience, spending a lot of time with him reading books, playing games, dancing, being silly, explaining to him during jovial moods, how its hurtful to others when he shouts and generous doses of hugs and kisses to make him get over the insecurity he very naturally felt and which manifested itself in ways described above. In a way, I am glad that we couldn't know what exactly went on in his little mind because I shudder when I think - Could it be

"Don't be friendly with anyone because then he/she is going to go away or going to vie for my parents' attention!"

And its relatively easy for me to write about it now that the phase has passed but at that time we felt terrible emotions that are hard to put down in words. Even though everyone told us that its a phase, but it crossed my mind several times, when Vansh continually turned away one prospective friend after another by his loud gestures,

"Is he ever going to be able to make friends?"

Things got better as time passed. With increased opportunities of socializing with kids the same age as Jiya grew up a bit and we resumed meeting friends for playgroup, started inviting more friends on weekends, he started to become less wary of other kids and even made an effort to be-friend them. The first time I saw him doing that with one girl, he had met a few times before, in the park - speaking something to her and then holding her hand and telling her to "Come on, let's go!", my eyes moistened at the hearty development. Even now, he has his moments, good and bad. There are times when he screams at the slightest provocation but there are others when he's a truly charming little guy, being the entertainer for the entire group - laughing out his silly infectious giggle and making everyone catch on. I sometimes wonder whether Arnav going away actually helped him in the long run to become more open and friendly as he was palpably longing for company.

With all these thoughts going on in my mind, when we were getting ready to get out of the school building, I met a friend in the corridor whose 4 year old daughter and Vansh have met each other briefly a couple of times and stopped for a brief chat. The kids immediately started running after each other and laughing heartily doing that.

And I knew that he has indeed come a long way!

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I am tired ...

Wednesday afternoon after waking up from his nap Vansh complains of stomach pain and throws up partially on the carpet and partially on the kitchen floor. Stomach flu strikes once again, the third time in this season! As I change his clothes, soak the dirty ones, clean the kitchen, and am halfway through the carpet, he throws up in the kitchen again. Weak and not quite himself on Thursday. Wants to be cuddled a lot. Nights are too tiring as well. Jiya getting up every 2-3 hours and screaming out loud. I am so exhausted from a back breaking day that I bring her into the bed and nurse her a couple of times during the night. Friday morning Jiya throws up at 7:00 am and again at 9:00 after being fed. I call the triage nurse at the pediatrician's office who tells me to exclusively breast feed her every hour for a few minutes so that she gets in little in her stomach at regular and frequent intervals. Weak baby, cranky from all the trouble that she is going through, not able to nap or sleep too well. Saturday - Jiya is temperamentally fine but still has a mild diarrhea, which is not as much a problem, in spite of the many soiled clothes et al, as the newer and now unmistakable and more intense one of separation anxiety. A minute out of sight is met by screams, loud ones, some of them even louder than Vansh's. This continues at nights as well. In fact she screams if I do anything short of pacing the floor with her. Sunday, we decide to get out of the house to the Children's museum, to pep up things after a weary half week. Dressing up everyone for the -30 outside takes nothing short of an hour. And we still feel cold, very cold, and yet again exhausted, almost to the point of feeling stressed. In the midst of it all, increased loads of laundry, carrying Jiya a lot, playing with Vansh, in addition to the everyday sundry tasks, I feel sapped mentally and physically. Sunday night I decide Jiya would have to learn to sleep herself. Which means listening to a lot of crying on Sunday night. Beckoning Ferber yet again, for the younger one this time. Tough, distressing, heart wrenching but unavoidable. Monday morning, Ashwini wakes up feeling cold and feeling a churning stomach. Decides to stay home. Rests a lot. Things are getting better with the kids. Except the separation anxiety part - thats at its worse. Chores are mounting up. Huh!! Monday night - cries again but definitely better than the previous night. Tuesday - another day passes. A call to the triage nurse again to ask about Jiya's diarrhea this time tells me the virus can take a week to get out of the system and to continue with her normal diet. Starchy foods - rice and oatmeal cereal are good. Ashwini still not absolutely fit. Has an ongoing stomach pain. Tuesday night - hardly any cries :) Thank God for that! Today was a better day. Ashwini is feeling better. All that's left now is to complete all the huge piled up chores, try to get them done during the little one's naps. And I am so tired!

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The ruckus which is night time sleep with 2 young kids

When my in-laws came to us when Jiya was about to be born, Vansh was very happy to have company in the room even at night time. That was also the time when he used to move from one room to the other making sure everyone was asleep, including Jiya, once she was born, before he laid down himself for his repose, the cliched "यह सबको सुलाके सोता है."

Once they left, Ashwini started sleeping with him to help him recover from the sadness that overwhelmed him and to assist him adjust to life with a sibling. However the futon in his room is okay for a few days but starts aching your back if slept on everyday. So when Ashwini started facing that problem, we thought that we would wait for Vansh to fall asleep and then Ash would come back to sleep on the bed in our room. That worked fine until 2:00, 3:00 or 4:00 am, depending on what time Vansh woke up from his deep sleep. He would then come to our room, push me and Ashwini a bit to the sides and take his position between us, fidget lots, try to sleep sideways, forward, backward, his feet our head and vice versa, ask me to go and make something in the kitchen so he could have one side of the bed to himself and finally settle for a preferred position. And even then he would kick so much in his sleep, more often than not, the victim being me, that I would wake up feeling I had hardly gotten any sleep not because of the new baby who was being an angel at night but because of the 2 year old's night time fancies of having half a bed to himself. After a few days, I started going to his room to sleep on the futon while he slept on the bed. On some days, Vansh would then come and sleep with me on the futon! Why!?? Didn't he just ask me to vacate the bed he wanted to sleep on!!?? Kids!!??

But the kicking got better or may be I got more used to it and Vansh started sleeping on his own in his room to begin with (coming to us at 2:00, 3:00, 4:00 am continues to date) and nights became smoother. And finally all of us, except Vansh, stopped moving back and forth between rooms, trying to get our share of the 'oh so wonderful sleep'! The little angel was still the angel, well on most nights, if not all.

Digression

Sleeping alone, on the first hand, hadn't really been a thought about decision. But right from the beginning he had been such a light sleeper that if he slept at about 9:30 and we went in at about 11:00, pressing our feet to the floor hard so as not to make the slightest sound, he would stand up in his crib and look at us as if to say "Wow! So is it playtime now?" What began as an experiment day to sleep in the other room and was met with success, then became the ritual.

end of digression

In the meantime, the little angel was growing up and getting smarter by the day, learning all those principles of cause and effect you know. Angel cries, mom shows up. Angel smiles, mom picks her up. Nighttime practice of the principles is double the fun. Moreover, smooth nights with 2 young kids, now thats against Mother Nature!! Isn't it! So if the elder one is getting better, the younger one has the added responsibility on her tender shoulders to make sure the ruckus continues! And so the scene the past week has been something like this :

9:00 pm - Jiya sleeps in crib
9:30 pm - Vansh in his BR
10:30 - 11:00 pm - We in ours
11:15 pm - Jiya cries, at times mom's sight is enough to pacify her; at others she could do with a quick feed
11:30 pm - peace again
1:00 am - Jiya cries in full frenzy; mom paces the floor with her (no night time feedings, Vansh taught mom the VERY HARD way)
1:15 am - still crying, mother trying sip of water, rocking on rocking chair, OKAY a little feed would save everyone's sanity and SLEEP
1:20 am - peace again
3:00 am - Jiya wakes again, cries a lot, dad goes to Vansh's room, mom paces the floor
3:30 am- Vansh comes to sleep with mom armed with a flurry of questions "Jiya is crying? Does she want milk? Does she want to play? Is she 'buddhu ram'??
4:00 am - some degree of peace restored
4:10 am - Vansh realises he has too much space to sleep; Oh where's dad? In his room - why did I come here then?
Oh and before I forget, he has this habit of shutting doors, and not quite gently at that (equivalent to banging in the silence of the night), when he moves in and out of rooms. Enough to wake Jiya again. Exhausted mom gets her with herself to sleep and finally thats the end of it all at about 4:30 am, two hours away from waking up!!

Is sleep ever the same again after you have kids??

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Ash Nee are upto ...

Yeah, you read it right. Had to write a post about ourselves. Never before have our lives been so happening and never ever shall we forget this time.

- We spend our evenings discussing or rather trying to discuss how I survived yet another day with Vansh's tantrums and exclaiming "Oh God! Just what were we thinking before we decided to go ahead and have another little one!" Vansh fooled us by being such an adorable little guy listening to and following what we told him when he turned 18 months (not that he's any less adorable now but now the adorability is strictly restricted to the fact that he's our son. His behavior contradicts the adorability!). Thats when we thought "Hey life is simple after a kid turns 1-1/2!" We had NO idea what terrible two's are all about.

- We hear more NO's in a day today than probably we have heard in our whole lives! Brushing teeth is a no, eating meals is a BIG no, cleaning up is a no, saying hello is a no, going to sleep is ...you guessed it right, again a NO!! What is truly intriguing is the fact that things that Vansh enjoys doing like taking a bath is also a NO! And when we comply, he wants to take a bath after an hour when its time for something else. Whosoever said 'Understanding women is impossible' hadn't dealt with a 2 year old for sure. Like a friend says "Everything in our house is an issue!"

- As Jiya becomes more responsive and hence more playable, we try to steal moments to play with her and see her toothless grin when Vansh is in another room, lest he gets tempted to explore what makes this little toy laugh and what makes her cry.

- After renting a movie for a week and still not being able to find the time to watch it, we decide to keep it for another couple of days and pay the fine and are still not able to watch it! Phew!!

- After the usual "How are you? Great!" with good friends, we urge each other "Now lets be honest!" and are refreshed to hear answers like "Terrible!" With strangers, we (I and Ashwini) exchange satisfactory and "Yay!! We are not the only ones" glances when we see another child having a tantrum in the mall or on the street!

- As much as I want to go on writing, messy rooms, dirty dishes and a HUGE pile of laundry beckon!!

Bye till next time! And even though I just read an article about living in the present moment, I can't help but think that when Vansh reaches the "good" age of 4 (as claimed by some friends who have older kids), Jiya would be 2!! The saga continues ...

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How we are managing!

A lot of friends ask us how we are managing life with 2 kids (especially after my in laws left last week) and I tell them we are trying our best to manage time. Hats off to those who have been there and much good luck to those who'll be there at some point cos the journey has been far from easy.

Here's whats been happening at the Sukhwani household

- As of now, we have a low maintenance new born (any parent with a high spirited toddler will know what I am talking about) and a very high maintenance toddler at hand. Jiya spends most of her time feeding or in her crib. On the other hand, Vansh spends his time exploring his new sister - her hands, her toes, her reactions when he makes funny faces and does silly dances for her, as well as, when he shouts in her ear or even swats her.

- Tempers obviously run high when we see the latter happening. Its hard to see a child, who now seems to be so much bigger than the little baby at home hit her and then make a satisfied face on top of that.

- High tempers translate into a lot of yelling ourselves and as much as I hate to admit, even a smack on the hand or on the bum. This leads to even more unacceptable behavior from Vansh including more shouting, getting uncontrollably mad, banging doors, tantrums et al.

My intention is certainly not to scare away expectant or prospective 2nd time parents but rather narrate our experiences one so they can be prepared and two somewhere in their heart of hearts, they can find solace in the fact that they are not the only ones facing this. Well, of course we had to do something and we did and things are certainly getting better now. Here's what worked and what didn't :

- We really had to work hard on maintaining our cool. Come what may, we promised ourselves not to yell, not even raise our voices at Vansh. Of course, that didn't mean there wouldn't be consequences for something that he's not supposed to do, but it had to be without us losing our cool. The objective was to teach him gentle ways to deal with his own anger. The first couple of days he was really surprised to hear no yelling but he's getting the hang of it. I searched for articles on aggression, hitting, shouting and found excellent ones at babycenter.com and read and re-read them everyday with Ashwini to get answers to all our questions.

- Reading a book or working on a puzzle with Vansh while feeding Jiya works particularly well. It makes Vansh look forward to the feedings because he knows I'll be doing something fun with him at that time.

- I get up early to finish off the cooking (lunch and dinner) before the kids wake up so that I have the most important task out of my way and am able to spend more time with Vansh (my experience says you need to spend lots and lots of time with the elder one to make up for the divided attention now). Other chores like cleaning and laundry, I have learnt not to get stressed about and just accept that things will take longer than they used to earlier.

- We are having dinner pretty early at about 6:00 pm these days and then go out for the evening walk. Because what was happening was, when we came back from the walk at about 7:30, Jiya needed to be fed and Vansh too used to be getting hungry and I had to still make the chapatis. So basically there was lots to do with two hungry kids at hand ...too tough!!

- Sending Vansh with Ashwini to do grocery shopping on weekends leaves me with some time on my hands to clean up the house or just rest for some time.

- With getting outdoors being limited, indoor physical activities like hide and seek, or generally hopping around help Vansh burn off some extra energy and of course have fun as well.

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