Everyday moments ...

... from the kids' initial few days in India

- Vansh would come home from outside and take off his footwear at the doorstep. It took him a certain degree of getting used to keep his chappals on even when at home. We got to see some funny sights when after being told to have them on at all times, he would sit with them on the bed munching away on something or going through a book. After being told to take them off when he sits somewhere, he took them off even when he sat on the chair at the dining table to have his meals. I, once in a moment of impatience, chided him on again taking off his chappals when we had told him to have them on at all times to which he said out of part impatience and part tearfully "Phir woh chair ganda ho jayega". I couldn't help but smile at his innocent confusion.
- We once went for a daytime birthday party at Deer Park. We were an hour into the party when Vansh said he wanted to pee. Not wanting to search for the restroom which are usually hard to find at such places and more often than not unclean, I took him to the corner of the park we were in and asked him to pee there. He refused saying that it was dirty and he would wait until we reached home. Jiya, who now follows the elder sibling like her greatest hero, followed us there as well and started taking off her pants and repeatedly saying choo choo, choo choo (for susu) and demanded her diaper be taken off as well. She refused to be taken away and had to be distracted with great effort to leave the corner alone. Vansh actually waited for almost 2-3 hours more and went only after reaching home.
- Now, after almost a month of the previous incident, things have taken a 180 degrees turn. In the afternoon, while playing in the neighborhood park, his dadi took him to the corner when he wanted to pee which he agreed to after initial reluctance and then when I took him to the park in the evening, he wanted to go pee again. I told him to wait for about 15-20 minutes till we reached home but he insisted that he wanted to pee in the grass in the corner. There were two wires fencing off some area where I took him and he aimed at several positions - above the higher one, below the lower one and in between both as he peed giggling away :)
- While we were somewhat used to Vansh humming away some favorite nursery rhyme sometimes, I can't help smiling when I hear him humming "Oye oye lucky lucky" ..the power of desi FM :)
And now for a pictorial update of some funny and some warm moments I managed to capture on film

Jiya finds some new playthings
and learns some lessons from the Indian fashion industry
Snuggles up with dada to one of her favorite activities

as Vansh continues his efforts of being treated like like an adult by acting like one - here diligently reading the newspaper and concentrates with glasses et al to see who's trying to reach him.
Jiya concentartes hard on building a tower
Vansh beams proudly when after much effort, he succeeds in writing 6 correctly :) "Writre a C and make a circle at the end of it" is what worked for us.
Jiya feeds and is fed by dada.
Vansh dresses up for Republic Day celebrations in his preschool but is not very happy wearing this new attire.

Vansh snuggles up with chacha aka Vansh's bumpy bed.

The dining table continues to be Jiya's favorite spot and she insists on putting anything that can serve as a headband to be used as just that - here with the nylon covering that comes with some fruits.

Vansh snuggles up with dada at India Gate lawns

He gives us some rare moments of peace in the house when he sits down with his Legos and actually does a good job creating things with them - a ship here.

Jiya uses her new potty seat as a means of transporting every possible thing in the house from one spot to another and as a result creating a mad house in the morning with people getting ready for office scurrying around the house trying to find their comb and cream and the likes.

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Wherever you go, whatever you do

I'll be there behind you

You don't have to call, you don't have to say

Just think about me and I'll be on my way

The above holds just apt for the phase Jiya and Vansh are going through right now. Jiya follows her big brother around like a shadow and imitates each and every action he does or every word he says. So the 'no's' and the loud nahin's and the angry roars all come in twos now. As do the running around giggling away and talking on the phone with hmm, hmmm, accha accha for the real effect. Its tantrums multiplied by two as are the laughs and the cheer.

Playing hide and seek, but oops ...who hides?!
Sitting on the sofa sipping milk/water
The climbers Hello? Who's this?

Looking out ...
A rare moment of both the siblings sitting so close and not fighting

Another one ...

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Our School Story by far

The other day I was chatting online with a friend who is also going through the nursery admissions in Delhi for her son and is currently at her parents' place down south. Their family also moved back from the US at the same time as ours because of the same reason of having their son start his schooling here which is why we had some long conversations over the phone and shared notes and experiences and got close over a very short period of time without even having met each other. As we discussed about the schools and our interactions there and about our children, she said that her son would only do good in a school where there isn't too much pressure or more precisely too much strictness on doing things a certain way. I felt she was writing about my own son and more importantly realized that I hadn't paid attention to this aspect while applying in schools or while waiting for their results. I did enquire about almost every school from one of my Education professors, whom I hold in very high esteem and whose opinion I value and trust, and who goes to various schools taking students pursuing education as part of their teacher training programme and thus has a very good first hand experience of the way things function in a school. Having studied in Delhi myself, I myself too have a fair idea about various schools and also got in touch with several parents on a website dedicated solely to this purpose of fellow parents helping each other in whatever way they can to make the process as smooth as possible. I do wish and hope that Vansh gets through a good school where the teachers know how to strike a balance, know the difference between encouraging and pushing and most importantly of all are able to make him feel happy and secure about the whole school experience but at the same time, all the knowledge about the schools and about my own child didn't stop me for applying in schools that I actually wouldn't be very happy sending him to. Unfortunately like many other well educated, well settled and well balanced parents, I too don't have a choice. What if he doesn't make it in any of the schools of my choice. Waiting another year would make the problem worse because admissions become even more difficult as with every passing grade, the number of seats dwindle. This year itself we were rejected by four schools by far because Vansh would be 4 years 14 days old on the deadline of Mar 31, 2009 when actually a child should be 3+ on that date. I am in a way glad about the rejection because those schools don't value our decision about not having sent our 3 years 14 days old son last year as we felt he was just not ready for the indeed huge step in every child's life. But the state of affairs does sadden me not just for myself but for many other parents who wait anxiously for each date when a school is supposed to come out with their first or second or third list, who add their points and pray and wait with crossed fingers, who have worked very hard themselves in their
education as well as work career and even then are not guaranteed a good education for their child and even more for those who for some unavoidable circumstances were not able to do too well for themselves but dream and hope for making it happen for their child. And unfortunately I have no remedial measures to suggest for the way things are happening. Most schools are following a very fair point system where they allocate points to distance, siblings, alumni, parents education and profession and may be a couple more criteria varying from school to school. Something radical needs to be done. The public school system needs a complete facelift so that the common man doesn't feel the need to send his child to only private schools and shell out exorbitant amounts as one fee or the other in the process. With a request by private schools to the Delhi High Court impending approval, the annual fee in any decent private school would be close to a whopping one lakh rupees per annum (+/- 15%). Its a crazy amount and I would be very happy to put it away for my children's future if only I have a choice today of sending them to a government school and being sure about the way they will be educated. Unfortunately I can't even be sure of the kind of toilets they'll be using. Without going into statistics, from first hand experience of my own mother and mother in law being teachers in government schools, I can say that the student teacher ratio to begin with is dismal. The teachers are getting increasingly over worked and in general there is so much displeasure and unhappiness in the air.

While we have been fortunate to get through a fairly decent school in our neighborhood and another couple of so-so ones, we wait with bated breath, literally, for our topmost choice ones. As
I write this, I realize what it must look like to the reader as if its a topmost university admissions and not just nursery admissions I talk about but thats the way it is. We shall remember this time in our lives for a long time to come.

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From the other side

First of all I have to thank you, my blogging friends for your good
wishes on our move back and I apologise for not being able to reply to
each one of you personally. But I do appreciate them all. Getting
settled, erring internet connections at times and big and little
things taking up my attention and energy is what preventd me from
doing so. I have been missing reading blogs and generally having some
time to myself for reading and writing but am giving us time to settle
down .

Its a strange kind of feeling as I visit my parents to stay with them
for few days before settling down into everyday life once Ashwini
reaches, starts office, Vansh starts school and we begin a new chapter
in life here. I see some small changes here and there, some parks
better kept, few new houses, few others with their look changed but
for the major part everything's still the same, the same cars parked
at the same spots around the park right in front, even the same
familiar number plates which one doesn't actually remember but
suddenly recognises with a flash the moment one spots them, the same
people walking with the same gaits I remember and associate them with.
Even at home I know exactly where anything is kept. I still grope in
the dark for the hair drier on the second last shelf in my mother's
cupboard and find it there, the same cups line the utensils rack in
the kitchen - it seems like I was here just a week back and nothing
has changed in the past week. Until I look at my children running
around the house, one after the other or down on all fours driving a
truck or a plane. And its then that I realise that what seems like
just a blink of an eye has actually been 5 long years. Life is indeed
strange when it strikes you like that.

children are having a ball. Its the best vacation time for them -
spending time with both set of grandparents, going out to parks,
watching TV, they are loving it all. For the first few days Vansh
remembered his teachers at preschool and our neighbors saying that Ms
Debra or Lopa aunty would be missing Vansh. Thereafter he does remeber
them off and on when he spots a phone a particular friend of ours had
or when he sees a cartoon character whose shirt his friend wore. Just
this past weekend he suddenly felt a strong urge to go back when he
chatted with his dad and saw him in our apartment there on the webcam.
He said he wanted to go there and play with papa and have chalupa at
Taco Bell. But when he realized that he would have to leave India and
go to US for that, he preferred waiting for his dad to come here.
Jiya is learning to say new words and imitate many new actions these
days. She goes "Thatam" for Khatam after she finishes something in her
mouth. When we ask her "Jiya ne kya khaya", she goes "Popcom" for
Popcorn. When we ask her "Nana kaise karte hain?", she lifts her index
finger, nods here head from side to side and says "No no no no no!" in
a sing song way. She is living up to her title of drama queen to the
tee. She cries loudly one minute and then if we say something to her
liking like mentioning going out for a walk, she immediately starts
laughing out loud.

Vansh is much better socially this time round than the last time we
visited 8 months back. At that time he refused to talk with anyone
else outside his circle of trust of 6-7 people and actually roared and
shouted if someone tried to come too close. Now he is socialy polite
with everyone and exchanges niceties when spoken to :) He still
prefers spending time with his entrusted circle consisting of our
immediate families and few cousins.

Both the kids absolutely love going to the park and the weather being
too good at this time of the year, late mornings to early evenings is
the best time to go. The past weekend we went to a birthday party at
Deer Park, a huge park in Hauz Khas where deer and peacocks roam
around in a pretty big enclosure. Both the kids were delighted to see
them and wanted to get as close as possible to them. Vansh even fed a
few whole peas to the deer and was in utter awe of the brown speckled
creatures and narrated the incident to everyone who cared to listen.
When with other children, he now leaves my side, unlike last time, and
runs and plays aroubd with them. However one hitting or bullying
incident among other kids is right now enough to woo him away and back
by my side for a long time. He then prefers and in fact takes delight
in chasing squirrels and pigeons and keeps asking me why he is not
able to touch them. Jiya follows him around as if he is her hero. Each
and every single action is viewed with awe and attempted to be
reproduced by her. I have close to 10 pictures where both of them are
doing the exact same thing and I'll post them pretty soon.
I am knee deep into Vansh's admission process into a proper school
this year and the situation is nightmarish to say the least. So its
getting forms, filling forms, making calls, following the school's
websites, preparing for interactions, communicating with other
aspiring parents hoping for a bright future for their little ones.
Wish us luck on this one.

So its me signing off now, not sure when I'll write again. But wishing
each one of you and your family a wonderful holiday season, a very
Merry Christmas and a joyous New Year 2009. Hope it brings much good
luck, great health and many many delightful moments for you to spend
and cherish.

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Random notes ...

...for my mind's too cluttered for anything coherent enough to merit a separate post by itself. For the last few days, I have been drafting several posts but that's where they remain - in the drafts - for the lack of time or concentration. This one too is from last Tuesday and today I thought let me post a last one before I finally move back to India and get back in the groove of writing again.

- So the date's finally final. Nov 29th it is when I and the kids head back to apna desh and yes I travel alone. Ashwini follows after 3 weeks. A couple of schools we have applied to have come out with schedules for parents' interaction in the first and second week of December, thus requiring me and the kids to fly ahead of his release date. Thankfully I got the preferred itinerary after several e-mails back and forth between Ashwini and the travel department of his company.

- Vansh is super excited about the move. Everytime he talks to his grandparents and this has been happening for the last month or so, he started out by saying "Main kal India aane wala hoon", the next time he spoke, he said "Main aaj shaam ko aa raha hoon", followed by "Main 5 minutes mein aa raha hoon" and now its finally down to "Main abhi aa raha hoon. Mummy chalo chalte hain."
When I went to his preschool last week on his last day there, his teachers joked that he has been telling them he is going to India ever since he went there in September. That's what he talks about when they take him to the loo. That's him - whosoever meets him for even a few minutes can by no way miss the things that he absolutely loves and hates during that particular time. So if you were to meet him today he would tell you, after of course telling you that he's going to India, that he likes to watch 'Alvin and the chipmunks', he likes to eat 'Orange chicken and fish', he does not like to eat dosa and that he is silly!! Yeah!

- So its taking stock, selling, packing, checking weight, opening, adjusting, throwing out and re-packing at our household these days. Looking at the ongoing selling spree, when we lay our hands on anything belonging to Vansh as small as the set of some redundant keys Vansh likes to play with, he says "Please meri keys mat becho!"

- Apart from the move,the kids are growing up way too fast. Its been a while since I did an update post for them and its been one new development after another. Jiya is the reigning drama queen who is already a 3 year old in the body of a 16 month old. Reverse psychology is what works with her and what I have been using to feed her her meals. I keep telling her "Jiya, mat kha, mat kha" to which she protests with a grunt, comes running to the dining table (yes, she doesn't sit there for more than 3-4 bites) and opens her mouth wide. Its working, so I let it be and am not too particular about making her sit on the table and then just whine or throw everything off and end up not eating.

- Her tantrums have gotten huge. She throws a fit whenever she doesn't get her way. She starts by pouting her lips followed by throwing whatever it is in her hand and then goes on to bawl at ear splitting decibel levels. Off late, I have been trying to make her pick up what she throws off in a fit. In the beginning that too was met by a tantrum but now she knows there is no way out. As is usually the case with second borns, we as parents are better prepared and don't lose temper too easily on these small things because we know the bigger ones are yet to come :)


- The dining table in the kitchen is her second home. She spends the better part of the day on it - takes her toys and plays with them over there, takes her books to look at, eats, colors or just looks around. I think she likes to come up to our level and enjoys the view of the world from there.

- She is a very very cuddly baby. Every few minutes, she would just come from whatever she is doing and hug us and kiss us and then go back again. She loves girls elder to her. Our next door neighbor and friend's daughter Antara and one of Vansh's preschool friend Shreya are her favorites and she showers them with generous doses of hugs and kisses.
- Vansh is getting more and more interesting by the day. His latest is pretending to be Ms Debra and Ms Jodi, his two preschool teachers. He acts very solemn and goes on to say "Two more minutes to playtime."; "Hold the rail friends!"; "Zack you are going to sit on, lets see, J today, Quinn is going to sit on mmm M" followed by some more incomprehensible English. Now that most of his toys are either packed or gone, he spends a lot of time playing pretend. He pretends that a blanket is a moving truck moving books or an empty toy box is a garbage truck carrying all the small remaining toys. This morning a maintenance guy was at our place for about 5 minutes to repair the dishwasher and Vansh pretended to be him for the next hour repeating the sentences he said and Vansh understood.

- Questions, questions, questions, truck loads of them. He now enjoys having all kinds of conversations and tries to understand more by asking more and more questions. At times, still the why's make no sense. At which point I just ignore it. I am right now finding it hard to remember snippets here. But it'll be a whole post soon.

Hah ...so that's that for today. I am a mixed bag of emotions right now. From being very very aversive to coming and staying in the US initially, away from family to finally being heavy hearted leaving it behind, its been a long journey spanning close to five years. Being married, motherhood two times round and being on our own in a country seven seas apart are reasons enough to make these five years truly memorable. Some great friendships, some great insights into the culture, getting to know the great parenting styles and oh the super cool public library system (yeah I am overly obsessed with it) will make me remember and cherish these years with much fondness.

So adieu friends! See you on/from the other side of the world!

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I adore the stage ...

... Vansh is at because

- Even though he wants to be Batman, he snuggles up close when I play a Batman video for him on the TV and after a while not being able to stand the fighting, switches it off declaring "Vansh ko accha lagta nahin hai!"

- When his 7 year old neighbor, friend and hero dons his cool jazzy Ben 10 watch the size of a tennis ball, Vansh comes home quickly and asks to wear his old and tattered faded green Shrek watch (which incidentally we found lying somewhere) and races back to show to his hero.

- Everytime he sees flowers, he remembers his Nani because she had brought flowers for him at the airport last time he went and then tells her to get 10 orange flowers for him this time.

- Once again, he called his hero to come to his house and look at the NEW little 20 inch TV that we got off Craigslist (after having sold off the one we had as we get ready for the move.)

- He kept loving and preferring the old 94 model Toyota Corolla to the newer Honda CRV because we bought the Corolla much later (just a few months back to serve us for the remaining 3-4 months as we needed 2 cars with the kids' increasing activities out of home) and hence actually it was the new car for him.

How I wish the utterly delightful innocence lasts forever!

And by the way a couple of days back, I had to make him stand straight for clicking a picture for attaching to his school registration form which my father in law is filling back in Delhi. I had to click 35 odd pictures to get a couple of decent results because Vansh decided to honor me by making one silly face after another. However at the end of it, I laughed as I went through all the pictures I had taken because they covered almost all the expressions and the accompanying face on his look he has these days - from grumpy to angry to giggly and mostly silly.

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The Change!

What a night and what a Sweep! At 10:01 pm CST, CNN projected Barack Obama as the 44th US President. That was just one minute past the voting in California and the other PST states would have ended. The difference in votes was huge and he was very close to the 270 electoral votes which he needed for a victory, which he did in the next 20 minutes or so. It was monumental, a moment when something as simple as the emotion of joy on the faces of the people speaks for itself as it did last night as hundred thousand people gathered in Grant Park, Chicago awaiting the arrival of the President elect.

I did follow the elections this time but not very closely. If I had to vote, I would have studied the candidates and their campaigns much more in-depth. However that didn't stop me from joining the Obama cult :) He is everything one needs to be to become a role model for millions - he is young, dynamic, an amazing learner, an excellent orator - I think I saw the eyes of almost everyone brimming over with joy as he delivered his victory speech last night with the motto "Yes we can!". He has raised the hopes of milllions of Americans in the power of democracy. He has made the African Americans and many other minorities believe that they too have the right to dream Big and know that its possible to realize that dream. I have no idea what change will happen from now on but for me, for now, Obama being elected president and such overwhelmingly is a huge Change.

I couldn't ever think that I would write a post on Obama's victory but I guess that's what he has done to each and everyone in this country, sit up and applaud the history that he's created! And I am glad that I am witness to it.

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